My Angel
by Orison
Summary: Just a short, sad Bosco/Faith story. Warning: Character death.


My Angel 

***** **

Author: Orison

Disclaimer: You should know that by now, I do NOT own Faith and Bosco... life's not fair! ;)

Warning: Character death

Author's note: Well, this is a short piece of fic that came to me after a fight with my mom. I locked myself in my room, put on my sister's Robbie Williams CD, and fell in love with a song. That kinda inspired me, and in an hour I had it all written down. I'm still not sure this is good enough to be posted, but I'm giving it a try... Please tell me if it sucks, okay? :)

As usual, HUGE thanks to my friend twjunkie for correcting my mistakes. Oh, I also realized I can't seem to write happy things so I warn you, this is a sad one!

Feedback: As always, I love to hear from you! :) Enjoy!

***

She's gone. I keep repeating the words to myself over and over. Trying to ease the pain that I know won't fade.

I stare out the window. It's one of those chilly, dark winter nights, and I can't remember ever feeling so miserable before. Nothing is going to be good again.

The apartment is dark. I don't like the dark. But tonight I welcome it,let it embrace me. Cloud my thoughts. I do not want to think. I don't want to feel. It hurts too much. 

She's gone. We would talk about death from time to time, even joke about it sometimes. But I guess neither of us had ever really thought about it. Seriously, I mean. 

As I wander into the living room and finally slump down on my couch, trying to fight back the tears that I'm holding inside, my mind goes back to that night, to our conversation. 

*** 

"Boz, if something happens to me, I want you to tell my kids how much I love them and how much I loved being a cop. I want you to be strong and go on with your life and know that I'll always be on your side. I need to know you're gonna be okay." 

I immediately shrug her off. "Come on, Faith. Why are you talking like this?" _This is Faith. She's NOT supposed to die._

"I don't know, I... I guess we should. I mean, we have a dangerous job, it can happen." 

"Please stop it, okay? No one's going to die. There's no need to talk about it." I'm nervous as hell. These things give me the creeps and she must've sensed it, 'cause before I even realize it, she puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder and smiles at me. 

"Okay. But if I die, I like to think that I'm going to watch over you. You know, make sure you don't push yourself too hard. Kinda like... a guardian angel." Her tone is serious, but my brain refuses to even think about that possibility. 

"Whatever." I say, starting the engine and putting the gear into drive. 

*** 

I don't want a guardian angel, I want my partner back. My best friend. I need her beside me. The only one that's treated me like a worthwhile person. Hell, even I started to believe that for the first time in my life. 

And now she's gone. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life now. 

I've turned people down most of my adult life. Shot down just about every person who's come anywhere near me. But Faith... I let her inside, showed her the real me. Maurice. A man who's forced himself to hide his emotions from anyone. 

I rise from the couch and look around, hesitating as memories of the last time she'd been here flash through my mind. 

*** 

"Faith?" I ask as I turn the lock and unhook the chain. "What are you doing here?" 

I open the door and move to my side to let her in. She's standing there, hair down, a beautiful smile on her face. 

She looks at me and as my mind races with thoughts, she leans forward and kisses me on the cheek. "Happy birthday," she grins. "I thought I'd bring you some real breakfast." 

I am stunned. And for a moment, I don't know what to say. I don't even know if my family's going to remember that, but my partner surely did. 

I'm not used to this kind of attention. I still think I don't deserve it. 

"Well, shall we eat or are we staying here?" Her voice brings me back to reality. 

"What's wrong with you?" 

"Nothing. Sorry, I... I just don't like birthdays, that's all." _Why do I always make a fool of myself in front of her?_

I lead her to the kitchen and motion her to the only chair near the table. 

"You've only got one chair?" she asks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

"Yeah, I... used to have two but... Geez, Faith, is that really important?" 

"I guess not. Come on, let's get back to the living room. I want to give you something." 

She takes my hand and I follow her, my heart beating loudly in my chest. She reaches for her purse and pulls out a small box. A blue box, with a silk ribbon on it. 

She hands it to me as another smile spreads across her face. "Happy birthday, Boz." 

I gently take it in my hands and I notice that they're lightly shaking. I carefully open the box and stare at its content. Inside, there's a golden necklace with a small pendant. An angel. 

"Faith, I..." I really don't know what to say. 

"You know, after our last conversation, I thought you should have one. Think of it as your guardian angel, Bosco. You may need him to help you find your way." 

I'm not sure if it's the birthday thing, but I'm feeling very emotional. Her honesty frightens me. "It's beautiful... But please don't think about that. I won't let anything happen to you." 

"I know," she whispers as she puts her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. 

*** 

I stare at the pendant now as I hold it in my hands, and I still can't believe that I just buried my best friend. My angel. The only thing in my life that I was proud of. 

This wasn't supposed to happen to me. And most of all, it wasn't supposed to happen to someone I cared so much about. I mean, one day you're standing here worrying about what outfit to wear or where to go, and the next one you're history. Just a tombstone with a name engraved on it. All that is left are the memories for the ones who knew you. Who loved you. 

They say it takes more strength to cry, admit defeat. Well, I am defeated. I'm lost in a dark, wild sea. My beacon is gone. 

I tiredly walk down the hallway, reaching out one hand to steady myself on the wall. I need some kind of support. There's a strange kind of light in my bedroom, and for a single moment I can swear she's in the room with me. 

I sit on the bed, my hand still clutching the pendant as if it's my lifeline. On the nightstand, her smiling face stares back at me. 

I'm not sure why I keep my partner's picture there, but now I know I'm not going to put it away. 

I trace the lines of the picture and feel myself dangerously close to tears again, when suddenly another vivid flash pops into my head. 

*** 

"Bosco. I need to talk to you." 

_Dammit, what is it this time?_ I wonder as Lieu's voice echoes in the weight room. It's barely 1pm, I'm not even on and my mind races with thoughts as I follow him to his office. 

Maybe if I'd paid enough attention, I'd have noticed his soft tone, or him not calling me 'Boscorelli' like he usually does when I piss him off. 

"Whatever is it, it's not my fault!" I open my big mouth again, unaware of the sad look in my superior's eyes. 

Nothing in the world could've prepared me for what I was about to hear. 

She's gone. Gone, as in dead. Dead. 

I feel a stabbing pain in my chest and suddenly I can't breathe. Then I run away, ignoring the stares I receive from my fellow officers. I rush to the locker room and close the door behind me, pressing my back against the cold tile. 

My legs feel week, and an overwhelming emptiness surrounds me. Anger. And fear. 

I stare at my face in the mirror. My eyes are glassy and cold, my whole body drained of all color. 

I splash cold water on my face as my mind tries to register the news. How in the hell could that happen? Who let it happen? 

I force myself not to cry and take long, deep breaths as a new panic attack threatens to get the better of me. _God, I haven't had one in months_, I think as I open my locker. 

I pick up my jacket and throw it on, then as quickly as I've gotten there, I leave the room and head outside. I need air. 

Someone calls my name but I don't turn around. I can't. 

*** 

I lie in my bed and can't help but think that God, or whoever it is that's responsible for this, stole you away from me. And I don't know what to do with myself or the rest of my life. 

I miss your love, I miss your touch, I miss your laughter and the only thing that comforts me somehow is that you're probably in a better place now. 

Finally I close my eyes. And in my darkest hour, I realize you are here, lying beside me. Whispering words I can now hear so clearly in my head. 

They let my angel out to take care of me. 

***

Robbie Williams 

Nan's Song 

You said when you'd die that you'd walk 

with me every day 

And I'd start to cry and say please don't 

talk that way 

With the blink of an eye the Lord came 

and asked you to meet 

You went to a better place but 

He stole you away from me 

And now she lives in heaven 

But I know they let her out 

To take care of me 

There's a strange kind of light 

Caressing me tonight 

Pray silence my fear she is near 

Bringing heaven down here 

I miss your love I miss your touch 

But I'm feeling you every day 

And I can almost hear you say 

'You've come a long way baby' 

And now you live in heaven 

But I know they let you out 

To take care of me 

There's a strange kind of light 

In my bedroom tonight 

Pray silence my fear she is near 

Bring your heaven down here 

You taught me kings and queens 

While stroking my hair 

In my darkest hour I know you are there 

Kneeling down beside me 

Whispering my prayer 

Yes there's a strange kind of light 

Caressing me tonight 

Pray silence my fear 

She is near 

Bringing heaven down here 

The next time that we meet 

I will bow at her feet 

And say wasn't life sweet 

Then we'll prepare 

To take heaven down there 


End file.
